It Feels Good!!

Today is my last day in 8th grade. This experience started off rocky, but has evolved into a learning opportunity and a chance for me to grow personally and professionally. I went in this morning to talk with the principal and thank her for allowing me in her building to gain experience with the Middle School level for the last 6 weeks. I really feel that even though there were bouts of tension with the CT's, things have turned around and I have been able to grow from it.

Anywho, the principal told me that she has been impressed with my performance and would love to have me in her building next year!! She said she has heard nothing but great things about me in the classroom. She told me that she would prefer to have me at her school next year, but at the very least, in district. "We need you around" were her exact words. Imagine my jaw hitting the ground, because that is just about what happened!!

WOO HOO!! I could barely contain myself! It feels awesome to know that even when the situation seems rough, people are still out there watching and taking note of the good work you are doing. My talk with the principal has opened my eyes to how important it is to stay positive and optimistic because you never know what the outcome of that mental shift may be. I definitely plan on staying in communication with my CT and the principal at this school. I don't think I see myself working in that school, but I know the experiences I have had there will lend themselves to many more opportunities in the future.

I'll Be There

During the afterschool program, the students spend the first hour working on homework. Since there are so many 5th graders, we divide them up so that each room has half of the 5th graders. This particular day, the students in my room were working on publishing a writing piece so I was pretty busy setting up the computers while at the same time helping other students with their math homework. Kate, a student working in the other room, came over and asked me if she could read her fluency piece to me. In a sort of flustered state, I told her that she could read with me once I finished setting up the computers. So, she was just standing around in my room, and I encouraged her to go to her room and work on something else. I told her that when I finished, I would go over and get her. Time passed by and I completely forgot to go over and get her. Since she was not in my room, I couldn’t use her face as a reminder to go and assist her.

This was a very difficult situation because I know that Kate really wanted to read to me. She has been encountering a lot of problems with peers talking about the way she dresses and acts. I have made it a point to be there for her and encourage her to be comfortable with who she is and what she wears. Because of this, I think she has connected with me in a way that she hasn’t with other teachers. When I saw her at the end of the day (before even realizing that I had forgotten to read with her) she looked at me and had a very sad look of disappointment. It did not register with me why she looked so sad, but looking back, I know it was because I let her down. This situation was very upsetting to me. The next day, I approached her and sincerely apologized for forgetting about her. I explained to her that I was not trying to blow her off. I told her that on Monday, if she wanted to read with me, I would make sure that it happened. She gave me a hug and said it was okay and she wasn’t mad. She had an enormous smile on her face and happily walked back to her class.

I can see how some would think this situation was insignificant. It wasn’t like I flat out lied to Kate or forgot about her because I was surfing the internet or chatting with the other student teachers. Even though the reason why I forgot about her may be “valid”, the disappointment that Kate felt was also valid. I believe that Kate’s desire to read with me went beyond her wanting to get done with it so she wouldn’t have homework. I think it was her reaching out to me and in this case, I let her down. I’m not being harsh on myself; I just want to set a standard for meeting the needs of students beyond instruction. Furthermore, even when I do get sidetracked (which will more than likely happen again), I understand that I cannot be above apologizing and protecting the feelings of my students.

I will NOT be played for a fool!!!

Today, my eyes were opened to the true knack for manipulation that just about all of my beloved 5th graders have. I didn’t see it before but it is quite clear to me now. Whenever my students want to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, get something from a back pack, etc., they will almost always ask me and not my CT. Why is this so, you might ask?? Well it is absolutely because they know she will say no and I probably won’t!! I can’t count how many times I was asked those very questions this week and the naivety of the new young teacher in training feel for it every time!! I would think, “Oh, it has been hot, maybe she will pay attention more if she gets a drink” or “I would rather he go to the bathroom in the bathroom and not in here”. Both of those rationalizations are valid but very unlikely to happen (at least with my kids!).

So, the culminating point of these schemes was at the end of the day when I gave a student permission to get a drink of water (quickly, of course!). Well, my CT didn’t hear me tell him he could go and when she saw him in the hallway she gave him a hard time. His response was that I told him he could go and that if he wasn’t supposed to she needs to talk to me because I told him he could. My CT snapped back at him that she didn’t care what I had told him because he knows better. Drinks are only done during breaks and no other time and he was wrong for having the nerve to ask me when he knows the expectations.

I felt bad at first because I had, indeed, told him he could go but that feeling soon dissipated!! He knew exactly what he was doing, as did all of the other students who played that game with me!! It’s a lot like what kids do at home….you know, asking Mom if they can play on the computer even though they know Dad told them no because they lost that privilege for a week!! My 5th graders scored points in the game for this week, but I can guarantee you I will NOT be played for a fool next week!!!

Update on Contacting CT

Thanks to everyone who gave me advice about calling my CT. I didn't call her today because she actually responded to my email!!! Basically, she doesn't know when we can start working in OUR (I love that she referred to it like that!) classroom yet. She is talking to the principal about it and as soon as she gets a date, she will let me know. She also made it clear that I should not hesitate to call her about anything, which of course made me feel relieved!! I offered to meet up for coffee or lunch some time before we start setting up the classroom as a way to get to know each other a little better. Hopefully she'll be okay with that. I will definitely post any other updates!

To Call or Not to Call

As I inch closer to the start of student teaching, I feel like I need to contact my CT and find out when she plans on getting back into the classroom. I am sure that it will probably be within the next few weeks or so, so I really want to make sure I am available. The thing that I have been going back and forth about is whether or not to call her. I sent her an email but I remember her telling me that she does not check her email often during the summer. So, she did give me her phone number and told me to call her about anything, but I guess I’m questioning whether she really meant that. It’s not that I don’t think she was sincere, I’m just apprehensive about calling her on “her own time” and her possibly being too busy to talk to little ol’ me. The anxiety I feel is definitely not unique to this experience- I get nervous when I’m calling my own grandma to ask a question!! I guess I just want to know whether or not it is okay to actually call her about meeting up before school starts, working in the classroom, etc. I just don’t want to step on her toes before we even get into the classroom!!